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Epilogue
(In memory of the writer of the Ingoldsby Legends and
his " Monstre Balloon," for the consideration of one of his
21St century descendants)
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Have you heard of the Pool, of the Malmesbury Pool?
It was built just after Bremilham School
When Councillor Iles was enforcing his rule.
Why, surely, none but a dolt or fool,
A moron, idiot, lout or ghoul,
A man with the mind of a stubborn mule
Has failed to hear of the Malmesbury Pool.
When the weather's hot and the water's cool,
At Easter, Whit or time of Yule,
Even if you've just fought a duel,
You'll find your cares are minuscule
Once you're immersed in the Malmesbury Pool.
The model was made by Hudson and Morse
And shown in a chemist's shop window perforce.
All who saw it laughed themselves hoarse,
Thinking the project they ne'er could endorse.
The investment was taking a retrograde course,
And gentlemen dealing in shares on the Bourse
Were losing their shirts as they do on a horse.
Unmoved by all this were the men at the source
(As stated above, Messrs. Hudson and Morse).
They called Mr. Iles. Where's Mr. Iles?
The man who can help us through our trials
And organise people from many miles
To drive in the piles and lay the tiles
And help the lame dogs over stiles;
For don't forget that people's dials
Are wreathed in quite sardonic smiles.
They're laughing like drains in the Andaman Isles
And tittering slightly at Chalfont St. Giles
(While rumour has it that in the files
Of the Daily Express is one who compiles
A sarcastic comment with cartoons by Giles--
The sort of thing that really riles
A man of the stamp of Councillor Iles).
So everyone there got down to the job
With the Worshipful Mayor at the head of the mob.
Every man gave a couple of bob
And moved with the speed of the late John Cobb.
Housewives left their meals on the hob;
Policemen left traffic jam victims to sob
And even permitted the robbers to rob;
Watchmakers laid aside mending a fob;
Smiths were too busy for shoeing a cob;
And cricketers all were out for a blob,
Giving a catch off the easiest lob
So they could all go and get on with the job.
So Malmesbury gained its long-needed Pool
And the news was heard in Istanbul,
In Hoole and Goole and Abermule,
In Poole, Seoul and Tomintoul
(While Cartmell heard it in Niebull);
The people came but the Pool was full
And those inside informed them:
"You'll Find no palm beach can overrule
The chains that are there in the Malmesbury Pool."
Prophetic this legend may only be now;
But YOU can all make it come true, I avow.
So come and support Malmesbury Carnival - now!
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